A little bit about my love-hate relationship with writing

I grew up in a very old-school world in South Africa where writing was not considered a worthy or manly pursuit. The same was true for music. I distinctly remember my abusive stepfather saying that I should probably stick to music like my mother since I didn’t have a head for numbers. Now, I am a successful digital marketer, focused mainly on data-driven insights, surrounded by charts, trend lines, data sets, reports and dashboards. Hilariously ironic, asshole.

This, and similar experiences, made me shun writing in my youth. I studied copywriting, received a diploma in copywriting and then went on to further my studies in something more “robust” so that I could be more employable – a business degree.

The thing is, I was naturally good at writing, and the way words can be used to evoke emotions has always fascinated me. I used these skills in my advertising and marketing career. My grandfather, when introducing me to his friends, would say “This is my grandson Tony, he works in propaganda”. I don’t think he was wrong. Words have power.

When I started in my first job, earning a salary, I was hired as a copywriter. Copywriters were regarded as the bottom of the food chain and this fostered a deeper resistance to choose writing as a career. When my managers found out I had a degree they immediately “elevated” me to a position as a marketing manager, which meant I said goodbye to writing words for a living and focused on managing other people who wrote, designed, developed and analysed all things marketing.

I remember feeling deep resentment when our head of HR introduced me as “Tony, our copywriting genius” – my stepfather’s words still ringing in my head, mocking all things creative.

So, as a result, writing took a back seat. I did dabble from time to time, though. I wrote a few poems to keep the writing muscles alive and I was immediately published in a UK-based poetry collection. People who read my writing said I was a very good communicator and writer – but I repressed the urge to write because of the stigma I had attached to it. Stigma re-inforced by my surroundings where rugby, handiness and physical strength are requirements for attracting a suitable female partner. God forbid I ended up being a writer!

So here we are. After 25 years I have a solid career behind me. Loads of experience with data and people management and strategy. I’ve made other people richer by helping to sell their products and services. But I’ve spent far more time consuming content than creating it. My creative soul has been starved and left to wither in a sad, lonely cave somewhere in my heart.

I’d like to resurrect it somehow and turn writing into something I can be proud of again. Something I can look back on and say “yes, I used these words and I created a feeling in someone!”.

Words have power. I need to tap into that power and make my soul whole again.

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